The best revenge is premature balding
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
PANTIES FOUND
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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