New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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