Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
