Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
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