btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
