is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
