happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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