her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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