I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
