I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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