When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
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there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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