I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
