Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
