Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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