I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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