i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
