I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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