Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
