oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
