a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
