An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
