the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
