I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
whose ass print is on the piano?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
and you fell through a lawn chair
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
