I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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