Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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