i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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