no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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