I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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