I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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