If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
