Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
