Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
