Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Randomize
