I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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