could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
