with your own penis?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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