suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
