drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
