I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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