fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
