Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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