I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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