dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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