3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
