id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
