so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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