my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
