We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
