i was born a porn star she said
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
