How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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