I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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