I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
