Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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