you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
