Screwed.edu
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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