Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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