just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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