I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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