We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
