Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
