Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
