so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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