I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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