Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
