Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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