i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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