he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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