I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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