I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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