so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
