Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
