Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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